


Yours

by rosymamacita



Series: Camp Jaha [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love, Post Season 2, raven punches people because she cares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 16:57:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5172059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosymamacita/pseuds/rosymamacita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Clarke comes back from her winter of self imposed exile, she slides back into life at Camp Jaha, but things have changed in ways that there is no coming back from. Is she brave enough to stand up and try for what is really important, or will she stay silent and possibly lose it forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yours

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, so I woke up with this story in my head this morning and worked on it all day. Neglected my nanowrimo novel. Neglected my Ark AU. It is about 50% angst and 50% ooey gooey sweet and salty fluff.

It had been a long day. Clarke had been on duty in the clinic with hardly a moment to sit down or eat or check in with Bellamy or anything. All she really wanted to do was get some stew and sit down at the bonfire with her friends, which was at the other end of the camp from the clinic. She walked through the camp and conversations stopped as people saw her. The Arkers gathered around the cantina always stopped talking when they saw her. It had bothered her when she first got back from her self imposed exile over the long winter, living in an old bomb shelter, but she ignored it now. Even when they came into the clinic to be treated, they blinked their eyes and answered her medical questions, but never tried to talk to her like a person.

Her months of isolation had made her a watcher, so she watched the Arkers. She’d passed more than one group of Arkers pointing at the delinquents and whispering. If she was quiet and didn’t let them see her, she heard what they were whispering, and it was almost always tales of bravery and heroism. Even the littlest delinquent was looked up to as a hero. The Arkers didn’t quite understand the 100. And somewhere along the way, the 100 had forgotten what it was like to be an Arker.

It was funny that the bonfire had really become a thing for just her people. The Arkers almost never encroached upon the open air gathering place. Gifts of food and supplies were left there, for them, but never with a name attached. The kids always enjoyed the blankets or baskets of fruit, but never really questioned where they came from or why they had been left. They did a lot for the camp. Protected them. Fed them. Taught them.

The 100 were, ever since they had gotten back from Mount Weather, slightly different from the Arkers. Clarke wasn’t even sure if they noticed it. She knew that her delinquents chafed at the restrictions the Council put on them. She knew that they didn’t like having to get permission to travel outside of the walls or take on new projects, or dealing with rations, but the truth of it was, those rules would have been in place anyway, it would have just been Clarke and Bellamy who were enforcing them. 

Bellamy was another puzzle she had been watching since she came home. It seemed to her that he was as separate from the 100 as the 100 was separate from the Arkers, and she didn’t exactly like it. He collaborated with Kane for the safety of the camp, he sat on the council as one of the leaders, he directed the delinquents and led hunting parties and joked with their friends, he worried over and protected them all, but he never allowed himself to just be himself. He never seemed to relax.

She thought that with her, he was able to let down the walls, to stop being the leader and just be.

The thought made her speed up. And then stop altogether. She realized she wasn't going to the bonfire for food or her friends. She was going to the bonfire to be with Bellamy. Being with him was what made her day complete. Talking with him. Listening to him. Sitting next to him, not even touching, staring at the crackling fire with him made her feel whole in a way she wasn’t sure she’d ever felt. 

It was impossible. She had spent more weeks in self imposed isolation than she had spent with Bellamy, but somehow, he had become her home.

She blinked and shook her head and realized that all the Arkers gathered outside of the cantina were staring at her. She smiled tightly and waved, stopping to get her evening meal from the cantina and then heading again towards the bonfire. She might have rushed a little bit, her heart speeding up as she got close.

Her friends were all there, sharing their meal and a drink, catching up on the adventures of the day. Raven shoved Jasper and scooted over to make room for her between them. Jasper handed her a cup and she raised her eyebrow questioningly.

“It’s a new batch,” Monty said, leaning over Jasper. “With some spring berries and some herbs. I thought I’d try something experimental and see how you guys liked it.”

She raised the cup to her lips and tasted it. The first taste was sweet, almost like honey, but as she swallowed, it was like spring had opened up on her tongue, fresh and green. She felt a real smile curve on her lips for the first time in a long time. “This is wonderful!”

“Not so much paint thinner, huh?” Jasper said.

“No not at all.” She looked around the bonfire for Bellamy to see what he thought. “Where’s Bellamy?” she asked.

Her friends looked at each other. 

“What? Where is he? Is he missing out on this moonshine?”

“A grounder delegation arrived while you were in the clinic, Clarke,” Raven said, avoiding her eyes.

“He’s not missing out on the new batch. He likes it a lot. He took a flask with him,” Monty said, haltingly, looking at her meaningfully.

Clarke’s eyebrows wrinkled. “That’s not like Bellamy, to drink during negotiations with the grounders.”

“I don’t think they are negotiating,” Wick said from the other side of Raven, one of the few Arkers who had joined them at the bonfire. Raven elbowed him in the ribs. “Ow! Okay. I suppose you could call it negotiating.”

“Clarke,” Raven said, sitting forward to block Wick from her view. “While you were gone, there were quite a few delegations of grounders coming through, wanting to make peace with us and, well, thank Bellamy for getting their people out of Mount Weather and ally with us despite Lexa and, well, Bellamy’s been spending a lot of time with them when they come through, especially Echo…”

Clarke looked at Raven not really connecting what she was saying. “Echo. That’s the grounder who helped Bellamy in the cages.”

“Bellamy went off with Echo, Clarke,” Jasper exclaimed, as if he couldn’t help it. “You’ve got to stop them. Go to him, Clarke.”

Raven reached around Clarke and punched Jasper in the arm. “Shut it. Let them figure it out for themselves.”

Clarke looked at them. They stared back at her with such sympathetic eyes. All of them.

Her stomach churned. “He’s with Echo.”

“He’s WITH Echo,” Jasper repeated, with emphasis. Raven punched him again. “Ow! Stop that.”

Clarke’s head no longer seemed to be connected to her body. She handed her plate to Jasper. “I’m not hungry, you eat it.”

“Really?” Jasper was always hungry. 

Clarke downed the cup of moonshine and stood up.

“Clarke?” Raven asked. “Are you okay?”

Why shouldn’t she be okay. Her tongue was bathed in springtime. She couldn’t feel her body. Her vision had condensed down to just a few inches in front of her. She had lost Bellamy and never actually had him. “I just need to be alone.”

“Clarke…” Raven warned. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

“I’m not leaving camp, Raven,” Clarke snapped. “I just need to… I’m going back to my tent.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Raven asked.

“No,” she said and turned and walked away before they could see the tears that threatened to break free. She could feel them watching her as she walked back through the camp.

She heard the hustle and bustle outside of the cantina before she recognized that was what her eyes were seeing and she really couldn’t go back through the crowd and have them stop and stare at her again. Not now. She took a detour between the cantina and a storage shed, heading for the back way to her tent. It was longer, but quieter. And she really needed quiet right now. She wiped a tear that escaped down her cheek. She wouldn’t let herself cry until she got back to her tent and no one could see her. She really missed her bomb shelter in the middle of the woods right now. Maybe she shouldn’t have promised Raven she wouldn’t leave the camp, she thought, even as she recognized the thought as the cowardice it was.

She heard something in the shadows.

It didn’t matter how heart broken she was, her survival instinct took over. Her hand went to the handgun that she aways carried now, even while working. Maybe it was a raiding party. Or an animal had broken through the fence. She peered around the edge of the building. It wasn’t a war party or a wild animal. It was two people pressed up against the wall, speaking in low tones.

Clarke took a step out of her own shadows because she couldn’t help herself. Because she wasn’t actually in control of her body. Because it was Bellamy with a woman, leaning into her, his head tilted towards hers, his hands running up and down her arms. And Clarke could do nothing but stand there, frozen, staring.

Echo turned her head and saw Clarke. “It’s her,” she said. Bellamy didn’t turn at first. Even in the shadows, she could see the pained look on his face.

“Clarke,” he said as he turned to look at her. 

She didn’t want to see his pity. She closed her eyes against it. Standing there, feet frozen to the ground, and felt her head nodding like a simpleton, nodding at what she knew would happen eventually but she had never wanted to face. Here it was, and she needed to accept it. She should say she was sorry for interrupting and just walk away. She should. But her body wouldn’t cooperate.

“I’m sorry,” she heard him say. She did nothing but bite her lip, her eyes pressed tightly closed, nodding. Nodding. She heard a shuffling, then footsteps. Her nodding turned, somehow, she was not sure how, to her head shaking no. No. She couldn’t accept it. No, she couldn’t face it. No, she didn’t want to hear him say that he was with Echo. She felt hot tears track down her cheeks. Closing her eyes did not, apparently stop tears. Opening them would be admitting it. Wiping them away would be acknowledging how her heart was breaking and she had no right to have a breaking heart right now. She had left him. They were just friends. That was all.

“Clarke,” he said, and this time his voice was closer. Close. Right in front of her. She drew in a ragged breath.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t— I’ll go,” she said, still not looking, being unable to face what was already burned into her retinas, Bellamy with some other woman who was not her. She was so stupid.

“Clarke,” he said. “Open your eyes.”

She ducked her head and opened her eyes. Tears blurred her vision, but it was just boots that were blurred. And dusty, scuffed ground. 

“Clarke, look at me.”

She shook her head.

Bellamy sighed. “When you were gone…” he started. She saw his feet shuffle closer to her.

“I know,” she said. “I know you were with her. They said so. They said you were close. I’m the one who left. I know. I don’t have any right to… I’m sorry.”

“It didn’t mean anything. Clarke, look at me.”

She tried to look at him. She raised her head, but she couldn’t face him. She stared off over the fence at the dark trees, yearning to be among them, alone, where you only had to deal with yourself, and not the pain of other people. “I’ll go,” she said. “I was just, I’m ashamed, I shouldn’t have interrupted your evening.” Okay, she could do this. It was just shock but she had control over herself now. The tears had stopped. There was no way he couldn’t see them tracking down her cheeks, but she couldn’t wipe them away now, with him watching her. She started to turn away.

He grabbed her wrist and kept her from going. “Clarke. She’s gone. Please, look at me.”

She turned her face to him, but her eyes snapped closed again. “I can’t.”

She could feel him stepping closer to her. His body heat radiated off of him. It made her want to lean into him, the way Echo had. 

“Why not, Clarke?” he asked, his voice soft.

He was the person she could share her fears with, her hopes, her thoughts. Not these thoughts, though. These she had always kept to herself, but the urge to tell him the truth was so strong, so much a part of who they were, she found herself speaking before she had consciously chosen to. “Because I can’t look at you and know that you would rather be with someone else. I can’t see you and know that you are not mine. I can’t bear to have you pity me. I’m so stupid,” she said and dropped her head again, hiding her face from him.

He touched a finger to her chin and raised her face, his hand cupping her jaw and his thumb wiping away the tear tracks. “Please,” his voice softer still. “Look at me, Princess.”

She knew her urge to run back to the woods was cowardice, the desire to never face him, to have him know how she wanted him and have him not want her back. It was all cowardice and she was trying to be better. She took a deep breath and dragged her eyes open, and there he was, his eyes deep and brown, looking right back into hers. A soft smile curved his lips. His hands held her head, caressing her face.

“I’m yours,” he said.

She blinked at him, unbelieving. “But Echo…”

He sighed, his hands moved down to her arms, brushing up and down, sending tingles through her body even through her clothes. “When you left, I tried to forget you. When Echo came through, it seemed to make sense to… be with her. I thought it would help.” He shook his head. “It didn’t. It was always you. She didn’t know you’d come back. Hell, I even tried, Clarke. I tried to kiss her, knowing you were in the clinic, trying to see if I even could get over you, now that you’re back, like maybe the fantasy of you was too big in my head and once you were home I could let go, move on, let you continue to be the dutiful daughter and hard working medic, brave leader, and not mine. But I couldn’t.”

Clarke couldn’t speak. Her hands had settled on his chest. She didn’t know when she had done that. She just gaped at him.

He shook his head in amazement. “Don’t you know that I’ve always been yours? How can you not know? Everyone else knew. I’ve tried to stop loving you, even before I knew I loved you, I tried to distract myself with other girls or anger at you or our missions, but it never worked. I gave up trying. I thought I’d be like Gustus, I’d do anything for you, love you from afar, devoted all the way to death.”

“I sent you into the mountain to die.” Tears broke free anew. 

He looked at her wryly. “And I went.”

“No,” she said, and fell onto him, her arms going around his neck, her head tucked into his chest. “No. No more. Never again. You’re mine.”

His chest expanded under her ear as he took a huge breath. “Am I? Like Gustus was Lexa’s?”

She felt like he’d kicked her in the gut. She could see Gustus on the stake if she closed her eyes, his torture, Lexa stabbing him with her sword, slowly, with precision. Lexa whom he loved beyond all reason and with nothing but death in return. She pulled back to look at him then, to see him, saw the pain in his face.

“Never! How could you think…?” He smiled at her crookedly, and she remembered all they’d been through, the fights and sacrifices, Finn and the mountain and her leaving him. “Bellamy!” she gasped. “No.” She leaned into him again, reaching up for his face, wanting to smooth away the pain.

He held her wrist and stopped her from touching him. “I’m yours, Princess, this is just a fact. Any way you want me, but I have to know… is this just about Echo? Do you just want to possess me? Not let anyone else have me?”

She dropped her hand and he let her go, searching his face for the meaning of those words. “Oh my god, Bellamy. I’m so sorry.” 

His body stiffened against her. She knew what he was thinking. “Stop it.” She pushed him until he bumped back against the wall of the cantina. She held him there with her hands against his chest. “Stop it, no. I’m sorry I made you think that. Ever. I’m sorry you don’t realize who you are, how wonderful you are. I’m sorry it took me so long, but I’ve been so afraid for so long, so afraid of opening up and having my heart broken again. But it’s you. And you are so good.” She found her hands running over his chest as she spoke, under his jacket, wanting to feel him. “Bellamy,” she breathed. “You’ve terrified me for so long, my feelings for you. I’ve tried so hard to hold them back. It wasn’t until I almost lost you that I realized what I was hiding, even from myself.”

His hands were on her back now, sliding up to skim over her neck, rake through her hair. Her breathing stuttered.

“What were you hiding?” he whispered.

Her eyes fluttered closed and she pulled him close, to touch her lips to his neck. “Bellamy,” she whispered into his skin. “I—“

“No, Clarke. Look at me, don’t hide from me.” He pulled her back from his neck so he could see her face. His warm eyes drew her in.

“I love you,” she breathed. She brushed a hand through his hair, slid it down his neck, across his shoulders and down his arm to his hand, where she laced his fingers through hers and held on. “Bellamy, I love you. I want to be with you. I want to be yours. I am yours. I need you, Bellamy Blake, in every way, and I’m tired of pretending what we have been doing is enough. I want you, not for our people, not as my co leader, not because Echo wants you, not even because you are unbelievably beautiful. I want you for you. I can’t bear to be without you. Bellamy, I am so in love with you its painful and I can’t—I can’t take it anymore—“ her words devolved into sobs and she couldn’t go on, but she didn’t need to.

Bellamy swallowed her sobs with his lips, wrapping his arms around her like he would never let her go. He kissed her and she finally understood the truth that she had been running from. He was a part of her soul.

She pulled him in closer, as close as she could get him, sliding her hands underneath his shirt so she could feel his skin, his muscles shift as he curved around her, took her with his lips his hands, his love.

He loved her.

“Bellamy,” she gasped into his mouth. “Take me to your cabin.”

He pulled back to look at her, softly brushed her lip with his finger, his eyes were lit with joy and a smile quirked his kiss swollen lips. “Don’t you want to take it a little slower, Princess?”

She laughed up at him, “I don’t think we could get much slower than we have, Bellamy.”

“Are you sure?” He asked her, and she could see the doubt in his face, the worry. The risk. “What if it doesn’t work out? What if—“

“Bellamy,” she pulled him closer, kissed the pulse in his neck, nuzzled his skin with her nose. She smiled as he repressed a shiver. “I spent months without you. I missed you every day. You are what brought me back. You are. That’s what I can’t risk anymore, a life without you. I’m sorry I was so scared, but when I think I could have lost you, just because I was afraid to— what if you had gone with Echo, and I had missed my chance? Sooner or later, you would have moved on, just because I was afraid? Please, Bellamy. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I can’t take the chance I might lose you. Take me to your cabin.”

“Brave Princess,” he breathed into her ear. Her knees went weak and she clung to him.

“Take me to your bed.” Her voice was deep and husky, the desire for him plain as day.

“Don’t leave me again, Clarke.”

“I won’t, Bellamy. This is it. You and me, okay?”

He grinned. “Not quite,” he said.

“What?” she said confused.

He pulled a flask out of his pocket and waved it. “You and me, and Monty’s strawberry moonshine.”

She grinned back at him, and bit her lip. “Yeah, okay.” She reached for his waistband and slid her hand inside. He caught his breath at her touch and his velvety skin made her burn for him. “We deserve to have a little fun.”

He laughed, and the sound sent shivers down her spine. “Trust me, Princess, what we’re about to do won’t be a LITTLE fun.” He kissed her and she opened beneath his tongue, as he reached down to draw her hand from his pants. “Come on, Princess, we’re not doing this here. I’m taking you home.” He led her by the hand through the shadowy edges of the camp.

“Yes,” she said.

***

It was early the next morning when Clarke left Bellamy’s cabin to head to the clinic. She stepped out of the door of the snug, cozy little building, so much better than her tent, into the just breaking dawn, and the first thing she encountered was Jasper, camped right in front.

He jumped to his feet when he saw her, a huge smile on his face. “I knew it!” he said. Then he turned away from her and cupped his hands around his mouth. “I found Clarke! Raven! I found her!” he yelled, through the just waking camp.

Bellamy came out of the cabin at that, his hair thoroughly mussed and still without his shirt. “Jasper!” he cried. “What is wrong with you?”

“Raven!” Jasper continued bellowing, ignoring Bellamy, as loud as he could into the pink tinted morning light. “Clarke was with Bellamy last night! She’s here! At his cabin!”

“Thank god!” She heard Raven yell back, from what Clarke thought was the direction of her tent. “If you had run again, I was going to hunt you down and blow you up! With fire!”

But Raven’s reaction was only the first. People stuck their heads out of tents and cabins. The delinquents came running, with cries of “Finally!” and “Yay!” 

“What the fuck?” Bellamy exclaimed, that look on his face he made when the kids were being stupid and he wanted them to just shut the hell up. “None of you know what went on here last night.” She knew he was trying to protect her, to defend her from gossip. “She was upset, I was just making her feel bett—“

Clarke turned to Bellamy then, honestly offended. “The hell, Bellamy? There was nothing ‘just’ about how you made me feel last night.” She reached up and pulled him down for a passionate kiss, her hands roving over his bare chest, claiming him as hers. She felt him smile against her lips before he wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off the ground, deepening the kiss. The whole camp broke into cheers.

When she finally let him pull back from the kiss, he asked her, “Are you that sure about us?”

“Bellamy,” she said, her heart in her eyes. She put her hand on his cheek. “I’m that sure about us. I don’t want to hide. There’s nothing to be ashamed of here. I love you and you love me. I told you, this is it. It’s you and me.”

“You know you’re moving into my cabin, don’t you?” he said to her. 

“Duh. It’s so much better than my stinking tent.”

“I built it for you. This winter while you were gone. I built it so you would have a home to come back to.”

“How the hell am I going to go to work today?” she asked him, “Saying stuff like that? I’m not going to be able to focus on anything. I’ll probably kill someone because I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Maybe this is why we never got together? Because once we did, we’d let them all burn.” 

“Eh, Nothing wrong with a little bonfire,” she said, and went in for another kiss.

“Get a room, Griffin,” Raven said as she finally made it across the camp to them. “Dumbasses.” 

They broke apart and she gave them each a punch. “Hey!” Clarke said, rubbing her arm.

“Your mom says get to work. You’re already late.”

“When did you get so bossy— Raven, are you crying?”

“No! Dumbass. Go to the clinic and shut up.” 

“Okay Raven.” She reached across and squeezed Bellamy’s hand. “See you at lunch?” he nodded. “I love you, Bell,” she said.

“I love you too, Princess,” he said and then she smiled so wide she though her face might crack, and headed to work. 

Behind her, she heard a choking sound. She turned to catch Raven pulling Bellamy into a bear hug, then pushing him away and punching him again.

“I swear to god if you punch me again, Raven, I’m going to sic Wick on you.”

“Sorry,” she said. “Sorry.”

Clarke went to work, and she didn’t stop smiling all day.


End file.
